I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
