I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
