Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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