why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
