I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
