Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize