The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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