Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
