My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
