After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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