Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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