OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize