I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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