Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
3pm strippers are depressing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
