there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize