i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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