don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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