i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
