so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
