My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
