He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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