just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
