my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
