So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
