last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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