Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
