It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
