My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My balls are so social today.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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