pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
