This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
