Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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