i would punch a child for taco bell
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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