Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize