i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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