so explain again why im purple
no
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
