I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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