I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
