hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You're a waste of cheezeits
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
