I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
