Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Randomize
