I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
