So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
