New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
