Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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