The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
