just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
