My first STD was from a foam party
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
