We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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