Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
