dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize