ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
