Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
