I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
