It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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