Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
