i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
