4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
