I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize