Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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