My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
