Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
