I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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