There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
