Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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