I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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