So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
