don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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