No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
