dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
