One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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