my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
