I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She bit a glass in half.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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