she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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