lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
It was confusing and full of hummus
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can't turn off my feet"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize