Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
