your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
