we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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