It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize