i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
