I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
