they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
