Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
