I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She announced her abortion via fbk
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
