ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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