see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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