he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
