I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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