About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
