Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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