Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think I won the penis lottery.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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