i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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