Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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