remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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