I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have fence marks all over my body
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
