I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
